Good to Bad

Today I had my interview/audition with Gila River Casino. I've been looking forward to this interview since they called 2 weeks ago. I've been trying to get a job for awhile & this would be my 3rd interview with this casino so I was determined to do my best. The interview was at 9:30am. It wasn't far away but just in case of traffic, I left around 8:30am. I got there in 20min so just waited around until 9:15am to check in. I was called back for the interview at 9:40am. I was very nervous but answered the interview questions well. It was really the audition I was worried about. They had me deal about 10 hands of blackjack & set 7 hands of Pai Gow. I didn't make a single mistake! I was so proud of myself. They said it'll be 1-2weeks before I hear back though.

As I'm walking to my car, I'm thinking about how great it went & I can't wait to get home & tell Garyn. He took the morning off so he could watch the kids. I get in the car & it won't start. I tried it a few times without any luck. At this time, I was so thankful that I grabbed the phone on my way out. Especially since I don't usually take it. We only have 1 cell phone but we can send text messages to & from the computer. I sent a text to the computer hoping Garyn would get it. He did right away & text me back with a few things to try to get it to start. None of them worked. Of course, I noticed that the cell phone is about to die! I then call Garyn's stepdad, Greg who is a master mechanic. He said he could come help but wouldn't be there for a little over an hour.

I was so happy that this would all get squared away but was now wondering what to do for an hour. I text Garyn to let him know & he suggested trying to find someone to give me a jump. So I walked up to the casino which I wasn't happy about because I wasn't parked very close to the casino & was wearing high heels that were already starting to hurt. I found a security lady & told her. I went back to the car to wait. Someone came out & we jumped the car but it still didn't work! I text Garyn & called Greg just so they knew. So it would still be around an hour before Greg would arrive.

I wanted to go into the casino & maybe get some breakfast or play some blackjack but really didn't want to walk up there again. I decided just to wait in the car. Garyn's sister, Brittany called just to check on me. As soon as I hung up, the phone died! Trying to kill time, I cleaned out the car & found a magazine to read. By now it was 11:40am. I was wondering where Greg was so I decided to put my heels on & make the painful walk to the casino. What made it worse was that on my way out the door, I thought I should grab my flip flops but decided not to because I was just going to the interview & that's it. Maybe the gift shop would have flip flops or slippers I could get. I got to the casino & asked for a phone. I was told there were no courtesy phones in the casino. I decided to go to the gift shop & look for flip flops & get some water. Of course, they didn't have flip flops or slippers! I found another person to ask about a phone. She said I can walk to the hotel & use one there. I explained what happened & I really couldn't walk over there. She pretty much said too bad. I started walking there which wasn't a long walk but in 3" heels, it was horrible! I kept stopping to give my feet a break but they hurt so bad so I just took them off & kept going. I found a phone & called Brittany. She said she talked to Greg 15min earlier & he was just leaving. I walked back to the parking lot (shoeless!!) just in time to meet Greg. He did a few things & the car started right up!! Thank you, Greg!!

I was so excited to get home! I got home at 12:45pm!! I pull up & I could see the relief on Garyn's face that I was finally home. Rya standing there, waving & saying "Hi, Mommy!" He gave me a big hug & said he was so amazed at how I take care the kids everyday by myself! Being a stay at home mom is hard! He's always known it's a tough job. He then told me about a huge mess he got to clean up that even I haven't had to do. Hayden was down for a nap & when Garyn went to get him, there was poop all over Hayden, the crib, the blankets & a stuffed animal. I felt so bad for Garyn having to clean all that up but he did a great job!

We both had such a hard morning. My feet hurt so bad still! I have raw/sore spots on 3 areas of each foot, the back of my heels are red & raw & I have a big blister. I'm still so thankful that I grabbed the phone as I was leaving but from now on, we will ALWAYS charge it at night. I'm always taking flip flops if I'm not wearing them. I'm very thankful to Greg for coming out & starting the car. It'll be 1-2 weeks before I find out if I got the job or now. Considering how well the interview/audition went & everything I went through this morning, I think I deserve the job!

So let's pray that this will be my next place of work!

March 1st is always a hard day for me. Today, 7 years ago, I lost my wonderful & amazing mother. I usually try to fill this day with activites to keep my mind off it. Of course, I think about her everyday but today is even harder.  We went to the zoo last year & I didn't even realize what the day was until that evening. That's when we decided we'd go every year. We aren't able to go today so I've been trying to keep busy around the house & with the kids.

I was 19 almost 20 when she passed so I remember her very well. I can still see her gorgeous smile, hear her calling me "Debbie" & hear her laugh. I have so many wonderful memories of her! She taught me how to scrapbook & we used to scrapbook together for hours. We would watch our favorite show 'Diagnosis Murder' every night with a bowl of popcorn & Pepsi. She would take me to Dahlia & Daffodil fields. One of my favorites was that she & I would go to Christmas boutiques every Christmas. I did that for the 1st time with my daughter this past Christmas. I found myself crying as we were walking up to the boutique because I was so happy to be doing that with my little girl but couldn't help but wish how much I wanted my Mom walking with us. There are so many more memories that I can't wait to share with Rya.

I always thought that her being gone would get easier as time went on. I also thought that after Rya was born, it would get easier. Neither of those are true. I'm afraid that as time goes on, I'll forget things about her. While I'm so grateful for my own daughter (& son) it kills me that she'll never know her Grandma Viveiros. She will only know so much from stories & pictures. I will make sure that both my babies know what an amazing, strong & loving person their Grandma was! I love it that I have a little girl of my own to do things with that I remember doing with my Mom. What hurts is how much I wish my Mom was here to enjoy doing the things with her grandaughter that she used to do with her daughter.

I'm very thankful for Garyn & how wonderful he is on days like this. I remember shortly after we got engaged, we were talking about what we pictured the person we'd marry would be like & one thing he said was that he never thought he'd marry someone who had lost a parent.He is so caring & understanding when I'm really missing my best friend.  He is so wonderful with all the traditions that I've brought into our family that I got from my Mom. He's also doing a great job helping me keep her memory alive in our house from the gorgeous 8X10 picture I have of her (which is in storage, sadly) to naming our daughter after her! When we were discussing baby girl names in June 2008, I told him that our daughter's middle name is Michele & he had the same idea. I'm so thankful that the Lord has blessed me with a husband who is so loving & caring!

I know my Mom is in the best place ever & is no longer in pain. It puts a smile on face knowing that I'll see her again someday & will be with her forever! I look at my gorgeous Rya Michele & see a little bit of my Mom in her. I'm always so flattered when people say how much I look like my mother. It now brings a tear to my eye to see Rya, my little mini me. I just hope that I'm 1/2 the mom my Mother was. She was the most amazing person! She never yelled, lost her temper or got angry. She was always so happy, smiling & just amazing! She was truly the best & most amazing Mom ever! I remember towards the end, I never saw her cry, never heard her complain. She never said "Why me?" but instead said "Why not me?"

I'm very blessed with my family, my wonderful husband & 2 gorgeous babies. I wish she was here to meet her son-in-law & 2 grandchildren but know she's in Heaven, watching me. She already knows my family. I've always felt over the last 7 years that she's been watching over me & now over my family. No one will ever take her place & I'm very thankful that people understand how amazing she was to me & no one has even ever tried to take her place. That means alot to me. I love my stepmom dearly & am very thankful my Dad found happiness again. I adore my mother-in-law & am thanful Garyn doesn't know the pain of losing a parent. I adore being a mother & my Mom always told me that that is what I was born to do!

*I love you so much, Mom. You're with me today & always! I miss you so much & always will. I'll never forget you! I have my husband, Dad & your Mom to help me through this day. I love you!*