March 1st is always a hard day for me. Today, 7 years ago, I lost my wonderful & amazing mother. I usually try to fill this day with activites to keep my mind off it. Of course, I think about her everyday but today is even harder.  We went to the zoo last year & I didn't even realize what the day was until that evening. That's when we decided we'd go every year. We aren't able to go today so I've been trying to keep busy around the house & with the kids.

I was 19 almost 20 when she passed so I remember her very well. I can still see her gorgeous smile, hear her calling me "Debbie" & hear her laugh. I have so many wonderful memories of her! She taught me how to scrapbook & we used to scrapbook together for hours. We would watch our favorite show 'Diagnosis Murder' every night with a bowl of popcorn & Pepsi. She would take me to Dahlia & Daffodil fields. One of my favorites was that she & I would go to Christmas boutiques every Christmas. I did that for the 1st time with my daughter this past Christmas. I found myself crying as we were walking up to the boutique because I was so happy to be doing that with my little girl but couldn't help but wish how much I wanted my Mom walking with us. There are so many more memories that I can't wait to share with Rya.

I always thought that her being gone would get easier as time went on. I also thought that after Rya was born, it would get easier. Neither of those are true. I'm afraid that as time goes on, I'll forget things about her. While I'm so grateful for my own daughter (& son) it kills me that she'll never know her Grandma Viveiros. She will only know so much from stories & pictures. I will make sure that both my babies know what an amazing, strong & loving person their Grandma was! I love it that I have a little girl of my own to do things with that I remember doing with my Mom. What hurts is how much I wish my Mom was here to enjoy doing the things with her grandaughter that she used to do with her daughter.

I'm very thankful for Garyn & how wonderful he is on days like this. I remember shortly after we got engaged, we were talking about what we pictured the person we'd marry would be like & one thing he said was that he never thought he'd marry someone who had lost a parent.He is so caring & understanding when I'm really missing my best friend.  He is so wonderful with all the traditions that I've brought into our family that I got from my Mom. He's also doing a great job helping me keep her memory alive in our house from the gorgeous 8X10 picture I have of her (which is in storage, sadly) to naming our daughter after her! When we were discussing baby girl names in June 2008, I told him that our daughter's middle name is Michele & he had the same idea. I'm so thankful that the Lord has blessed me with a husband who is so loving & caring!

I know my Mom is in the best place ever & is no longer in pain. It puts a smile on face knowing that I'll see her again someday & will be with her forever! I look at my gorgeous Rya Michele & see a little bit of my Mom in her. I'm always so flattered when people say how much I look like my mother. It now brings a tear to my eye to see Rya, my little mini me. I just hope that I'm 1/2 the mom my Mother was. She was the most amazing person! She never yelled, lost her temper or got angry. She was always so happy, smiling & just amazing! She was truly the best & most amazing Mom ever! I remember towards the end, I never saw her cry, never heard her complain. She never said "Why me?" but instead said "Why not me?"

I'm very blessed with my family, my wonderful husband & 2 gorgeous babies. I wish she was here to meet her son-in-law & 2 grandchildren but know she's in Heaven, watching me. She already knows my family. I've always felt over the last 7 years that she's been watching over me & now over my family. No one will ever take her place & I'm very thankful that people understand how amazing she was to me & no one has even ever tried to take her place. That means alot to me. I love my stepmom dearly & am very thankful my Dad found happiness again. I adore my mother-in-law & am thanful Garyn doesn't know the pain of losing a parent. I adore being a mother & my Mom always told me that that is what I was born to do!

*I love you so much, Mom. You're with me today & always! I miss you so much & always will. I'll never forget you! I have my husband, Dad & your Mom to help me through this day. I love you!*